July 31, 2011

by Anna Bernard

It came at last
dispersing wisps of anxiety that it would be stolen
by acts of God or man.
It came with a sultry weather pattern -
morning rain and afternoon humidity peaking at
3 o'clock. And what time did the wedding start?
That would be 3 as well.
Paper fans were vital objects waving in time
to the strains of Hymne by Vangelis and the Bridal Chorus
Holding off the possibility of guests
Melting like cake frosting
across the white chairs -
The white chairs decked out in waving blue ribbons
and vellum triangular prisms filled with baby's breath
A hundred tiny stars beckoning down the aisle...

And the families gathered -
Warm smiles paired with relaxed dispositions
In a wide glance of bright silk ties
and glints of silver sparkle at the necklines
They came bearing gifts of household valuables
Undiluted hope
and their many years of collective wisdom
Rounded up and tied into a great communal blessing
From the Southwest, the Northwest, the Northeast
San Diego to Ventura, Cambria to Crescent City
They came together in one place for one purpose--
To welcome the wonder love makes
For two
Encircled by many
In this season of jubilant
Crepe Myrtle
Blossoming everywhere
On this first day
On this last day
Of July

MOB

by Anna Bernard

Mother of the Bride (MOB)
A thousand details call out for attention like a whack-a-mole game
that goes on for months--
The date, the number of guests, the venue, the DRESS!
(90% are sleeveless now. Who -who made that decision?
Not the ones who worry about overflowing or gaping bodices
or pudgy upper arms shots...
The colors? The flowers? You can't stand calla lilies?? I never knew...
You think roses (I love roses!) are so-so? You're dreaming of orchids and delfiniums - hot pinks and deepest blues - Do I know this person?
And will that be tall vases or short and low? Elegant or plain glass?
Elegant -of course...
And the bouquet-
Ball shaped or cascading?
Bridesmaids 1,2,3 - What color? and style? Matching perfectly or a few variations allowed?
Watch out for dresses with badly made zippers - (I read on-line one bridesmaid after another in that particular dress needed a packet of safety pins!)
The veil, the headband, the shoes - ivory or silver? Sandals or pumps and
how high the heel? It would be the worst day to have pinching or slippery shoes - must get that one right.
Tuxedos. He wants what? You're joking right? Good. Why yes, I did believe you. Anything is possible...
And what sash color will the chairs wear?
Guest list coming along...
Invitations - on-line or a trip to a store? Flat or raised, color of ink, folded, pocket style, floral, traditional? Let's skip the foil lining on the envelope-- the glue will show through in time as a line of brown stain -look what happened to this one after only 27 years!
What do you mean you haven't registered yet? That was an activity for last week!
A Minister booked at last - The Marrying Man -
Tasting time. Good stuff. Can I order two dinners by myself?
Cake. What flavor? Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, butter cream, carrot cake, lemon, raspberry?
Raspberry is something you give somebody when you are 5 years old - about the time you first become aware of a future lace and satin dream
with shades of royal and cornflower,
hydrangeas and purple irises
on a sunny day that will be here soon...

Estate Planning WIsdom

We want to leave this world alive, but since that cannot happen, we will depart with our affairs organized. As we know, people are living longer, but we have a unique opportunity to prepare for our mortality and arrange financially for the day when we are taken away. We do not know when death will find us or what our physical and mental condition will be at that time. But, we will have an economic blueprint.

Here is my wisdom obtained during my months of estate planning:

• Make sure that all names are up to date in the living trust (revocable or irrevocable). We can ask any questions about the trustees and successor trustees. In addition, we need to make sure that the beneficiaries are current. Provide one family member the power of attorney in order to make all financial decisions.
The revocable living trust is great because passes on assets to our family without going through probate. Unlike a will, a trust cannot be contested. I had a family member who was after the assets of my mother’s estate, but the worldly goods remained secure. It is best to review the revocable trust every five to seven years. Personal and family dynamics as well as state laws can affect the trust. In the case of our personal trust, our executor died and needed to be re-appointed.

• Did you know that The Irrevocable trust is rarely used except for estate tax reasons? The benefit of this type of trust for estate assets removes all incidents of ownership, effectively removing the trust’s assets from the grantors taxable estate and establishing no tax liability.

• The Acting Care Directive will help us with health care during illness and the end stages of life. My mother had an order to not provide any additional measures to prolong her life. Even though that was the case, the doctor and I helped my mother to continue to fight to live. She actually lived a couple of months longer than we all expected and she also rallied once more before passing away. I am grateful for those two months!! Time passed and the doctor said that he was now out of miracles so now it was time to say our farewells. I live out of the country half of the year so I appointed my mother’s caregiver, Susan to provide health care for my ailing mother. She had a copy of the Acting Care Directive just in case she had to administer the directive. Amazingly, I was even able to be at my mother’s side with her until the end of her life.

• Buy a long-term care policy. We never know when we will have to use the policy. After my mother’s health began to fail, we purchased long-term care policies for my husband’s and my care.

• Organize the finances. My mother asked me in 2008 to attend to all of her finances. She said that she couldn’t trust her abilities and now she was ready for me to manage everything. We began placing my name as a co-trustee on all financial documents. She felt secure and happy. I also recommend a safe for the important papers.

• Leave a legacy. It might make a difference in the life of someone else remaining here on earth. In our personal living trust, we even donated our house to family. We also donated money to friends and to organizations where it can make a difference.

As you know, it has taken me almost a year to address these articles due to my grief, but knowledge is power. We have reviewed quality care and estate planning. The last in the trilogy is preparing for the death of a loved one. Unfortunately, we all have an expiration date. We do not know when that time will come, but death will catch up to us at some point. In the meanwhile, hopefully, this article will prepare us for Estate Planning. Let us enjoy every day as if it were our last!

by Roberta Mark Engel