Friday, April 27, 2012
The Essential Gardens of Greece
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The Los Angeles International Airport Checkpoints
The Los Angeles International airport checkpoints
Have you traveled to Greece yet? Here is your chance. The Los Angeles International Airport checkpoints will be explained by Rebecca from Studio City, Los Angeles and Gary from the city of Los Angeles. Both of them are interrogated, searched and told to undress. They are asked to put their zip lock bags of liquids on a conveyer belt along with their electronic gadgets. They are exhausted before they set foot on a plane! Soon Gary will smile because before he knows it, he will be sitting on the plane with a drink in his hand, awaiting take off.
The ticket counter is the beginning of Rebecca’s international airport experience where she will show her identification and e-ticket. She will need to adhere to the individual carrier’s baggage requirements (one complimentary unlocked bag weighing up to 50 pounds). The lines appear even longer than a few months ago, but she says that she travels all of the time without any worries about theft as she turns in her bag to the ticketing personnel.
The x-ray area is the second checkpoint where hand luggage and personal items are x-rayed. Gary and Rachel are asked to follow the regulations established with TSA 311 and carry-ons. Gary has never flown to Greece, so most checkpoints are foreign to him. Rebecca states, “I notice that there is in-consistency with the rules and regulations for each airline carrier. In addition, safety enforcements increase or decrease depending on the security status in the United States. The International airports have less security especially while traveling within the European community (EU).”
The departure gate is the final place for the passports and boarding passes to be presented. Rebecca generally transfers planes in a European city as there is no non-stop service to Greece from Los Angeles. Gary will change planes in New York. In either case, the luggage is sent directly to Greece. Upon arrival in Greece, Rebecca and Gary will need to pass through a security window and pick up their luggage which takes a fraction of the time as compared to LAX.
Hopefully, the Los Angeles International checkpoints are streamlined for comprehension. Rachel and Gary have the information needed at the ticket counter, x-ray area, departure gate and the security window. Now it is time to enjoy their vacations. Don’t forget to smile.
By Roberta Mark Engel
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Preparing for the Death of a Loved One
Did you know that the body prepares itself with natural changes during the dying process? This progression produces psychological, emotional and spiritual thoughts for us. Hopefully, we will be better able to prepare ourselves for death when it comes knocking on our door. Each of us has an expiration date. Hopefully, your date will be far in the future.
In reference to our planning for the death of a loved one, hospice assisted us with the care and preparations for my mother. They provided a team of professionals and specially trained volunteers to address the dying process as well as psychological, emotional, and spiritual needs of the patient and family. Hospice is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for support, consultation, and visits. They also provide extra equipment aids if needed. We received a hospital bed, side table, chair for the bathroom, and a wheel chair while my mother was at home. After my mother moved to the nursing facility, these items were no longer necessary as they would have been a duplication.
Below is a proposed time line for the death of our loved one. As you are now aware, death can be a surprise or a peaceful ending to a long life. The time periods of the dying experience below was developed by Barbara Karnes, RN which is called "Gone from my Sight" and given to us during hospice. It gave me much comfort during my mother's dying process which is divided into four time periods. The periods listed below are only an approximation.
One to three months prior to death, there is a withdrawal, an understanding that our loved one is dying. It becomes real as when the person begins separation from this world. Some of the results from the cessation of life are the reduction of food and water. There is usually little interest in eating and drinking. Since food is the way we energize our body, we eat to live. When a body is preparing to die, it is perfectly natural that eating should stop. At this time nothing tastes good, cravings come and go and liquids are preferred to solids. Meats are the first desire to disappear, followed by vegetables. If our loved one still can eat, we allow the consumption of whatever is appetizing, but it should be taken slowly and in small amounts. Chips of ice may be refreshing in the mouth. A cool, moist wash cloth on the forehead may also be welcome, but dehydration is no longer is uncomfortable. My mother stopped eating and taking food intravenously which signaled her desire to separate from life.
As death becomes more immanent, lack of socialization becomes more obvious. My mother didn't want to be with anyone which contradicted her many years of social interaction interests. It is normal not to feel like socializing when feeling weak and fatigued.
One to two weeks prior to death, disorientation becomes more evident. Sleeping is more prevalent. My mother spent an increased amount of time sleeping and became uncommunicative, unresponsive, and difficult to arouse at times. This is in part was due to changes in the metabolism of the body. Our loved one processes his or her life with the eyes closed which is the reason for the increase of sleep. The patient can hear what we say so no negativity is accepted. He or she is preparing for their death in a quiet environment.
The breathing patterns may change and become shallow, irregular, fast or abnormally slow. There is a moaning like sound on the exhale. We thought that my mother was in distress, but it was the sound of air passing over the relaxed vocal cords. We elevated her head to make her more comfortable.
Due to changes in circulation, the person's arms and legs may become cold and/or discolored. Irregular temperatures were as a result of the brain sending unclear messages for physical changes thus producing sweating. To be more specific, blood pressure often lowers. The pulse beat increases and the body temperature fluctuates. In addition, there is an increased perspiration. The skin color changes to flushed with fever, bluish with the cold. A pale yellowish pallor accompanies approaching death. The hands and feet are often pale and bluish because the heart can't circulate blood through the body at a normal flow. Breathing changes also occur. Respiration may also increase. My mother's skin did not change colors even though her blood pressure, pulse beat, and body temperature fluctuated. She also did not have increased perspiration. Obviously, every one has a different experience with impending death.
Restlessness caused my mother to pull at her clothing. She also responded to people who didn't exist. This is a result of a decrease in oxygen circulation to the brain and a change in the body's metabolism. We didn't interfere with her. We played soft music and read to her in order to have a calming effect. My mother also had conversations with her deceased sisters. She had one foot in each world. Focus was changing from this world to the next; she was losing their grounding to earth. We listened to whatever my mother said and accepted it calmly.
She had no control of her urine or bowels as the muscles in the area began to relax. We gave her diapers so she would always feel clean. In addition, the urine output normally decreased and became more concentrated such as the color of tea. This is probably due to a decreased fluid intake and lessening of circulation through the kidneys. We had a catheter inserted to assist in this area.
One to two days, to hours prior to death produced a surge of energy. I call it a rally. My mother, who hadn't spoken in months, was quite vocal. She was also active and enjoyed the company around her. She ate a large meal and seemed quite complete. The spiritual energy for transition from this world to the next had arrived and it is used for a time of physical expression before moving on.
Minutes prior to her death produced oral secretions which became more profuse and collected at the back of her throat creating gurgling sounds coming from the chest. The head of the bed was raised in order not to stimulate the gag reflex. Before our loved ones leave earth, we need to give him or her permission to do so. During the last days of dying, the loved one's body begins the process of shutting down which will end when the physical systems cease to function.
My mother tried to hold on as long as she could. I told her that I would see her at the other side and not to be afraid. She did so much for me. Now it is time for her to be with my father. I read my mother her own private eulogy which she loved. She nodded and smiled. I held her hand. She squeezed my hand and she understood. She said "I lo...." with all of her remaining breath. She was finally ready to die. I said good-bye and cried, and cried, and cried. She died a few days later.
I was not there at the exact time of my mother's death. I was there for the dying process which I am very thankful for. I had an extra sense of relief to know that her suffering was over. She died at a nursing facility which seems to be a common venue for death.
The separation becomes complete when the breathing stops. That appears to look like the following according to Barbara Karnes, RN: "the last breath is often followed by one or two long spaced breaths and then the physical body is empty. The owner is no longer in need of a heavy, nonfunctioning vehicle." My mother was under hospice care so they made decisions and kept her comfortable. I know she died in peace. She entered a new location and a new life. Hospice ordered morpheme and she was gone in a few days. I saw a happy face on the moon the evening of her death. To let go of a loved one, is to accept the fact that they are gifts.
As we approach death, our personal relationships with life and death will set the stage of our acceptance of the new life that awaits us and our loved ones. Fear and unfinished business are two big factors in determining how much resistance we put into meeting death. Hopefully, my understanding of "Gone from my Sight" will help you to understand the dying experience and prepare for the death of your loved one. Let go. It is time for your new beginning.
By Roberta Mark Engel
In reference to our planning for the death of a loved one, hospice assisted us with the care and preparations for my mother. They provided a team of professionals and specially trained volunteers to address the dying process as well as psychological, emotional, and spiritual needs of the patient and family. Hospice is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for support, consultation, and visits. They also provide extra equipment aids if needed. We received a hospital bed, side table, chair for the bathroom, and a wheel chair while my mother was at home. After my mother moved to the nursing facility, these items were no longer necessary as they would have been a duplication.
Below is a proposed time line for the death of our loved one. As you are now aware, death can be a surprise or a peaceful ending to a long life. The time periods of the dying experience below was developed by Barbara Karnes, RN which is called "Gone from my Sight" and given to us during hospice. It gave me much comfort during my mother's dying process which is divided into four time periods. The periods listed below are only an approximation.
One to three months prior to death, there is a withdrawal, an understanding that our loved one is dying. It becomes real as when the person begins separation from this world. Some of the results from the cessation of life are the reduction of food and water. There is usually little interest in eating and drinking. Since food is the way we energize our body, we eat to live. When a body is preparing to die, it is perfectly natural that eating should stop. At this time nothing tastes good, cravings come and go and liquids are preferred to solids. Meats are the first desire to disappear, followed by vegetables. If our loved one still can eat, we allow the consumption of whatever is appetizing, but it should be taken slowly and in small amounts. Chips of ice may be refreshing in the mouth. A cool, moist wash cloth on the forehead may also be welcome, but dehydration is no longer is uncomfortable. My mother stopped eating and taking food intravenously which signaled her desire to separate from life.
As death becomes more immanent, lack of socialization becomes more obvious. My mother didn't want to be with anyone which contradicted her many years of social interaction interests. It is normal not to feel like socializing when feeling weak and fatigued.
One to two weeks prior to death, disorientation becomes more evident. Sleeping is more prevalent. My mother spent an increased amount of time sleeping and became uncommunicative, unresponsive, and difficult to arouse at times. This is in part was due to changes in the metabolism of the body. Our loved one processes his or her life with the eyes closed which is the reason for the increase of sleep. The patient can hear what we say so no negativity is accepted. He or she is preparing for their death in a quiet environment.
The breathing patterns may change and become shallow, irregular, fast or abnormally slow. There is a moaning like sound on the exhale. We thought that my mother was in distress, but it was the sound of air passing over the relaxed vocal cords. We elevated her head to make her more comfortable.
Due to changes in circulation, the person's arms and legs may become cold and/or discolored. Irregular temperatures were as a result of the brain sending unclear messages for physical changes thus producing sweating. To be more specific, blood pressure often lowers. The pulse beat increases and the body temperature fluctuates. In addition, there is an increased perspiration. The skin color changes to flushed with fever, bluish with the cold. A pale yellowish pallor accompanies approaching death. The hands and feet are often pale and bluish because the heart can't circulate blood through the body at a normal flow. Breathing changes also occur. Respiration may also increase. My mother's skin did not change colors even though her blood pressure, pulse beat, and body temperature fluctuated. She also did not have increased perspiration. Obviously, every one has a different experience with impending death.
Restlessness caused my mother to pull at her clothing. She also responded to people who didn't exist. This is a result of a decrease in oxygen circulation to the brain and a change in the body's metabolism. We didn't interfere with her. We played soft music and read to her in order to have a calming effect. My mother also had conversations with her deceased sisters. She had one foot in each world. Focus was changing from this world to the next; she was losing their grounding to earth. We listened to whatever my mother said and accepted it calmly.
She had no control of her urine or bowels as the muscles in the area began to relax. We gave her diapers so she would always feel clean. In addition, the urine output normally decreased and became more concentrated such as the color of tea. This is probably due to a decreased fluid intake and lessening of circulation through the kidneys. We had a catheter inserted to assist in this area.
One to two days, to hours prior to death produced a surge of energy. I call it a rally. My mother, who hadn't spoken in months, was quite vocal. She was also active and enjoyed the company around her. She ate a large meal and seemed quite complete. The spiritual energy for transition from this world to the next had arrived and it is used for a time of physical expression before moving on.
Minutes prior to her death produced oral secretions which became more profuse and collected at the back of her throat creating gurgling sounds coming from the chest. The head of the bed was raised in order not to stimulate the gag reflex. Before our loved ones leave earth, we need to give him or her permission to do so. During the last days of dying, the loved one's body begins the process of shutting down which will end when the physical systems cease to function.
My mother tried to hold on as long as she could. I told her that I would see her at the other side and not to be afraid. She did so much for me. Now it is time for her to be with my father. I read my mother her own private eulogy which she loved. She nodded and smiled. I held her hand. She squeezed my hand and she understood. She said "I lo...." with all of her remaining breath. She was finally ready to die. I said good-bye and cried, and cried, and cried. She died a few days later.
I was not there at the exact time of my mother's death. I was there for the dying process which I am very thankful for. I had an extra sense of relief to know that her suffering was over. She died at a nursing facility which seems to be a common venue for death.
The separation becomes complete when the breathing stops. That appears to look like the following according to Barbara Karnes, RN: "the last breath is often followed by one or two long spaced breaths and then the physical body is empty. The owner is no longer in need of a heavy, nonfunctioning vehicle." My mother was under hospice care so they made decisions and kept her comfortable. I know she died in peace. She entered a new location and a new life. Hospice ordered morpheme and she was gone in a few days. I saw a happy face on the moon the evening of her death. To let go of a loved one, is to accept the fact that they are gifts.
As we approach death, our personal relationships with life and death will set the stage of our acceptance of the new life that awaits us and our loved ones. Fear and unfinished business are two big factors in determining how much resistance we put into meeting death. Hopefully, my understanding of "Gone from my Sight" will help you to understand the dying experience and prepare for the death of your loved one. Let go. It is time for your new beginning.
By Roberta Mark Engel
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
July 31, 2011
by Anna Bernard
It came at last
dispersing wisps of anxiety that it would be stolen
by acts of God or man.
It came with a sultry weather pattern -
morning rain and afternoon humidity peaking at
3 o'clock. And what time did the wedding start?
That would be 3 as well.
Paper fans were vital objects waving in time
to the strains of Hymne by Vangelis and the Bridal Chorus
Holding off the possibility of guests
Melting like cake frosting
across the white chairs -
The white chairs decked out in waving blue ribbons
and vellum triangular prisms filled with baby's breath
A hundred tiny stars beckoning down the aisle...
And the families gathered -
Warm smiles paired with relaxed dispositions
In a wide glance of bright silk ties
and glints of silver sparkle at the necklines
They came bearing gifts of household valuables
Undiluted hope
and their many years of collective wisdom
Rounded up and tied into a great communal blessing
From the Southwest, the Northwest, the Northeast
San Diego to Ventura, Cambria to Crescent City
They came together in one place for one purpose--
To welcome the wonder love makes
For two
Encircled by many
In this season of jubilant
Crepe Myrtle
Blossoming everywhere
On this first day
On this last day
Of July
It came at last
dispersing wisps of anxiety that it would be stolen
by acts of God or man.
It came with a sultry weather pattern -
morning rain and afternoon humidity peaking at
3 o'clock. And what time did the wedding start?
That would be 3 as well.
Paper fans were vital objects waving in time
to the strains of Hymne by Vangelis and the Bridal Chorus
Holding off the possibility of guests
Melting like cake frosting
across the white chairs -
The white chairs decked out in waving blue ribbons
and vellum triangular prisms filled with baby's breath
A hundred tiny stars beckoning down the aisle...
And the families gathered -
Warm smiles paired with relaxed dispositions
In a wide glance of bright silk ties
and glints of silver sparkle at the necklines
They came bearing gifts of household valuables
Undiluted hope
and their many years of collective wisdom
Rounded up and tied into a great communal blessing
From the Southwest, the Northwest, the Northeast
San Diego to Ventura, Cambria to Crescent City
They came together in one place for one purpose--
To welcome the wonder love makes
For two
Encircled by many
In this season of jubilant
Crepe Myrtle
Blossoming everywhere
On this first day
On this last day
Of July
MOB
by Anna Bernard
Mother of the Bride (MOB)
A thousand details call out for attention like a whack-a-mole game
that goes on for months--
The date, the number of guests, the venue, the DRESS!
(90% are sleeveless now. Who -who made that decision?
Not the ones who worry about overflowing or gaping bodices
or pudgy upper arms shots...
The colors? The flowers? You can't stand calla lilies?? I never knew...
You think roses (I love roses!) are so-so? You're dreaming of orchids and delfiniums - hot pinks and deepest blues - Do I know this person?
And will that be tall vases or short and low? Elegant or plain glass?
Elegant -of course...
And the bouquet-
Ball shaped or cascading?
Bridesmaids 1,2,3 - What color? and style? Matching perfectly or a few variations allowed?
Watch out for dresses with badly made zippers - (I read on-line one bridesmaid after another in that particular dress needed a packet of safety pins!)
The veil, the headband, the shoes - ivory or silver? Sandals or pumps and
how high the heel? It would be the worst day to have pinching or slippery shoes - must get that one right.
Tuxedos. He wants what? You're joking right? Good. Why yes, I did believe you. Anything is possible...
And what sash color will the chairs wear?
Guest list coming along...
Invitations - on-line or a trip to a store? Flat or raised, color of ink, folded, pocket style, floral, traditional? Let's skip the foil lining on the envelope-- the glue will show through in time as a line of brown stain -look what happened to this one after only 27 years!
What do you mean you haven't registered yet? That was an activity for last week!
A Minister booked at last - The Marrying Man -
Tasting time. Good stuff. Can I order two dinners by myself?
Cake. What flavor? Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, butter cream, carrot cake, lemon, raspberry?
Raspberry is something you give somebody when you are 5 years old - about the time you first become aware of a future lace and satin dream
with shades of royal and cornflower,
hydrangeas and purple irises
on a sunny day that will be here soon...
Mother of the Bride (MOB)
A thousand details call out for attention like a whack-a-mole game
that goes on for months--
The date, the number of guests, the venue, the DRESS!
(90% are sleeveless now. Who -who made that decision?
Not the ones who worry about overflowing or gaping bodices
or pudgy upper arms shots...
The colors? The flowers? You can't stand calla lilies?? I never knew...
You think roses (I love roses!) are so-so? You're dreaming of orchids and delfiniums - hot pinks and deepest blues - Do I know this person?
And will that be tall vases or short and low? Elegant or plain glass?
Elegant -of course...
And the bouquet-
Ball shaped or cascading?
Bridesmaids 1,2,3 - What color? and style? Matching perfectly or a few variations allowed?
Watch out for dresses with badly made zippers - (I read on-line one bridesmaid after another in that particular dress needed a packet of safety pins!)
The veil, the headband, the shoes - ivory or silver? Sandals or pumps and
how high the heel? It would be the worst day to have pinching or slippery shoes - must get that one right.
Tuxedos. He wants what? You're joking right? Good. Why yes, I did believe you. Anything is possible...
And what sash color will the chairs wear?
Guest list coming along...
Invitations - on-line or a trip to a store? Flat or raised, color of ink, folded, pocket style, floral, traditional? Let's skip the foil lining on the envelope-- the glue will show through in time as a line of brown stain -look what happened to this one after only 27 years!
What do you mean you haven't registered yet? That was an activity for last week!
A Minister booked at last - The Marrying Man -
Tasting time. Good stuff. Can I order two dinners by myself?
Cake. What flavor? Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, butter cream, carrot cake, lemon, raspberry?
Raspberry is something you give somebody when you are 5 years old - about the time you first become aware of a future lace and satin dream
with shades of royal and cornflower,
hydrangeas and purple irises
on a sunny day that will be here soon...
Friday, August 5, 2011
Estate Planning WIsdom
We want to leave this world alive, but since that cannot happen, we will depart with our affairs organized. As we know, people are living longer, but we have a unique opportunity to prepare for our mortality and arrange financially for the day when we are taken away. We do not know when death will find us or what our physical and mental condition will be at that time. But, we will have an economic blueprint.
Here is my wisdom obtained during my months of estate planning:
• Make sure that all names are up to date in the living trust (revocable or irrevocable). We can ask any questions about the trustees and successor trustees. In addition, we need to make sure that the beneficiaries are current. Provide one family member the power of attorney in order to make all financial decisions.
The revocable living trust is great because passes on assets to our family without going through probate. Unlike a will, a trust cannot be contested. I had a family member who was after the assets of my mother’s estate, but the worldly goods remained secure. It is best to review the revocable trust every five to seven years. Personal and family dynamics as well as state laws can affect the trust. In the case of our personal trust, our executor died and needed to be re-appointed.
• Did you know that The Irrevocable trust is rarely used except for estate tax reasons? The benefit of this type of trust for estate assets removes all incidents of ownership, effectively removing the trust’s assets from the grantors taxable estate and establishing no tax liability.
• The Acting Care Directive will help us with health care during illness and the end stages of life. My mother had an order to not provide any additional measures to prolong her life. Even though that was the case, the doctor and I helped my mother to continue to fight to live. She actually lived a couple of months longer than we all expected and she also rallied once more before passing away. I am grateful for those two months!! Time passed and the doctor said that he was now out of miracles so now it was time to say our farewells. I live out of the country half of the year so I appointed my mother’s caregiver, Susan to provide health care for my ailing mother. She had a copy of the Acting Care Directive just in case she had to administer the directive. Amazingly, I was even able to be at my mother’s side with her until the end of her life.
• Buy a long-term care policy. We never know when we will have to use the policy. After my mother’s health began to fail, we purchased long-term care policies for my husband’s and my care.
• Organize the finances. My mother asked me in 2008 to attend to all of her finances. She said that she couldn’t trust her abilities and now she was ready for me to manage everything. We began placing my name as a co-trustee on all financial documents. She felt secure and happy. I also recommend a safe for the important papers.
• Leave a legacy. It might make a difference in the life of someone else remaining here on earth. In our personal living trust, we even donated our house to family. We also donated money to friends and to organizations where it can make a difference.
As you know, it has taken me almost a year to address these articles due to my grief, but knowledge is power. We have reviewed quality care and estate planning. The last in the trilogy is preparing for the death of a loved one. Unfortunately, we all have an expiration date. We do not know when that time will come, but death will catch up to us at some point. In the meanwhile, hopefully, this article will prepare us for Estate Planning. Let us enjoy every day as if it were our last!
by Roberta Mark Engel
Here is my wisdom obtained during my months of estate planning:
• Make sure that all names are up to date in the living trust (revocable or irrevocable). We can ask any questions about the trustees and successor trustees. In addition, we need to make sure that the beneficiaries are current. Provide one family member the power of attorney in order to make all financial decisions.
The revocable living trust is great because passes on assets to our family without going through probate. Unlike a will, a trust cannot be contested. I had a family member who was after the assets of my mother’s estate, but the worldly goods remained secure. It is best to review the revocable trust every five to seven years. Personal and family dynamics as well as state laws can affect the trust. In the case of our personal trust, our executor died and needed to be re-appointed.
• Did you know that The Irrevocable trust is rarely used except for estate tax reasons? The benefit of this type of trust for estate assets removes all incidents of ownership, effectively removing the trust’s assets from the grantors taxable estate and establishing no tax liability.
• The Acting Care Directive will help us with health care during illness and the end stages of life. My mother had an order to not provide any additional measures to prolong her life. Even though that was the case, the doctor and I helped my mother to continue to fight to live. She actually lived a couple of months longer than we all expected and she also rallied once more before passing away. I am grateful for those two months!! Time passed and the doctor said that he was now out of miracles so now it was time to say our farewells. I live out of the country half of the year so I appointed my mother’s caregiver, Susan to provide health care for my ailing mother. She had a copy of the Acting Care Directive just in case she had to administer the directive. Amazingly, I was even able to be at my mother’s side with her until the end of her life.
• Buy a long-term care policy. We never know when we will have to use the policy. After my mother’s health began to fail, we purchased long-term care policies for my husband’s and my care.
• Organize the finances. My mother asked me in 2008 to attend to all of her finances. She said that she couldn’t trust her abilities and now she was ready for me to manage everything. We began placing my name as a co-trustee on all financial documents. She felt secure and happy. I also recommend a safe for the important papers.
• Leave a legacy. It might make a difference in the life of someone else remaining here on earth. In our personal living trust, we even donated our house to family. We also donated money to friends and to organizations where it can make a difference.
As you know, it has taken me almost a year to address these articles due to my grief, but knowledge is power. We have reviewed quality care and estate planning. The last in the trilogy is preparing for the death of a loved one. Unfortunately, we all have an expiration date. We do not know when that time will come, but death will catch up to us at some point. In the meanwhile, hopefully, this article will prepare us for Estate Planning. Let us enjoy every day as if it were our last!
by Roberta Mark Engel
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Prepare for the Care of Our Loved Ones
by Roberta Mark Engel
The past couple of years have been complicated My retirement from my life as a middle school teacher and labor leader for a large public school system did not teach me how to provide care for my mother. My arduous two and a half year roller coaster ride with my mother ended on August 23, 2010. Dorothy’s life ended peacefully when she was ninety-two years old.
I wrote this article to help prepare for the care of our parents so we can get off the roller coaster and survive. It will provide us with no regrets, only happiness for the loss of the pain our parents experience. As you know, people are living longer and unfortunately, the aging process can be difficult. Let us make their transition into elder hood a pleasant experience. Here are some facts to help assist all of us and our families. As we age, we will potentially develop common conditions which include dementia, depression, hypertension, osteoporosis, cancer, and heart disease. Since dementia is the number one condition that we are subject to acquire in one form or another, I wanted to explain the signs and stages of this disease so we can better prepare for the care of our loved ones.
As an example, I became aware of my mother’s dementia when she was eighty-four years old. It progressed slowly until the final two years of her life. I consider us lucky because Dorothy’s Vascular Dementia was discovered late in her existence. In addition, she didn’t develop Alzheimer’s until a few months prior to her death.
To aide in our knowledge of dementia, the stages and signs are as follows. The time periods are approximate, depending on the person. I have also listed possible treatment and therapies:
The stages of dementia are as follows: MILD DEMENTIA (2-4 years) produces the difficulty to perform normally familiar tasks, memory loss that affects job skills, problems with speaking or writing coherently, disorientation of time and place, inappropriate judgment, decreased abstract thinking, misplacing things and or replacing them in unusual places, rapid mood swings, severe personality changes, loss of ingenuity, sleeping longer than usual, loss of interest in normally fun activities. The symptoms of senility (dementia) are as follows: stooped posture, wrinkled skin, decreased muscle intensity, changes in the lens and strength of the eye, fragility of bone and rigidity of the joints, hardening of the arteries, and childish behavior. In reference to my mother, she suffered from all of the above, but this mild dementia did not affect her ability to live on her own and she functioned well with mild dementia for six years. I finally convinced my mother to hire Susan, a part-time caregiver, when my mother was eighty-eight years old. Susan was employed a few days a week for a few hours a day. I wanted companionship and assistance for my mother.
During MODERATE DEMENTIA (2-10 years), my mother actually experienced decision making abilities. Dorothy knew our names, but disorientation in time and place became more obvious. Amazingly, she required no assistance with bathroom needs, eating or balance. She did need assistance in choosing the proper clothing to wear. She had prepared to go to her ninetieth birthday party in a black slip until my childhood best friend and I stopped her. That indicated to us that there was an escalating problem with her dementia. Since my mother’s diagnosis of vascular dementia, there were many mini-strokes. My caregiver became quite adept at noticing them and then calming Dorothy down after these episodes. An MRI is essential to measure the brain wave activity which allows us to understand the occurrence of TIA’s (Transient Ischemic Attacks which are stroke-like symptoms that last for 1-2 hours).
After five months at home with our part-time caregiver, she begged to go to an assisted living facility. There was an opening at the assisted living facility she desired so we moved in. An assisted living facility prepares all the meals which are eaten in a communal setting. Additional services can be purchased such as a caregiver bathing our loved ones, escorting him or her to meals, and administering medication. Each service is an additional fee. If there is a fall, the resident pushes a panic button. Dorothy had a fabulous time until she fell. She was at this facility for four months. My mother didn’t have the ability to know how or when to push the button due to her dementia. A neighbor had walked by and chose to push Dorothy’s panic button. Dorothy had a very minor fall and she was taken to the hospital.
After my mother returned to the assisted living facility a few days later, SEVERE DEMENTIA (1-3 years plus) had set in. She stayed one month longer at the facility, then I brought her home for seven months and hired round the clock care because of her inability to perform activities of daily living (personal hygiene and caring for herself or himself, dressing and undressing, eating by herself, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, being ambulatory). She even began forget my husband’s name from time to time. She was largely unaware of recent events as her knowledge of time and place became sketchy. She became incontinent which was the worst problem. She also exhibited delusional behavior. She hit the full-time caregiver over the head because she insisted that she tried to kill her. She exhibited tremendous anxiety, agitation. Eventually, we placed her in a nursing facility where she eventually lived four months.
VERY SEVERE DEMENTIA exhibits that all verbal abilities are lost, urinary problems, incontinence, and assistance with bathroom needs, eating, and psychomotor skills. My mother had no abilities remaining. She stopped eating a few days before she died. She prepared to die after total inactivity. She developed severe dementia a couple of weeks before her death followed by very severe dementia. Dorothy passed away at the nursing facility.
Unfortunately, there is not a way to prevent the onset of dementia, but staying active in a variety of activities could help keep memory loss at bay. Playing a musical instrument, knitting, reading or playing board games help. My mother knitted and played a musical instrument. I write articles, study a foreign language, walk, dance, read, and live on two continents, to name a few. We can practice by switching the use of our hands for all of our activities for a few days. It is a great test of our cognition. Eat a balanced healthy diet. Sage oil and vitamin E might also be helpful. It is possible to treat memory loss with medications, but there are side effects. There is a hope that stem cell research offers assistance plus new drugs and new therapies.
Did you know the following? There are an estimated twenty-four million people living with some form of dementia. Without major medical intervention, this number could increase to as many as eighty-four million people who have age-related memory loss by the year 2040. Currently, there are more than five million Americans who suffer from Alzheimer’s, and it is the seventh leading cause of death in the U.S. About 13% of Americans over the age of sixty-five have Alzheimer’s and fifty percent of those over the age eighty-five will develop this or another dementia. Alzheimer’s is considered to be an inherited disease, but genetic research is still being done in order to know the specific cause for dementia in addition to the inherited component. Fun statistics!! As I mentioned, my mother developed mild Dementia at eighty-four. In addition, she developed Alzheimer’s at ninety-two. It lasted only a few months until Dorothy’s death.
We either have an elderly parent, friend, or are experiencing symptoms ourselves. It has taken me almost a year to address this article due to my grief, but knowledge is power.
I will address how to prepare quality care, estate planning and preparing for the death of a loved one in a trilogy. The first of the trilogy is regarding preparing quality care for a loved one. Hopefully these bullets will help us prepare for the care of our loved ones.
• Get an assessment from your loved one’s family doctor. Make sure that all detailed history is listed. Have the doctor do a mental status exam in order to check following instructions, memory, recall etc. Also, get a hard copy of the medical file. It will be helpful for the doctor to make his assessments and referrals.
• Don’t blame. Try to understand. We have the knowledge.
• Keep a journal. Self-expression will allow us to express our emotions in a safe and thoughtful manner. We will be given the opportunity to reflect upon the meaning and the significance of events in our life as they apply to our inner self. How about writing about a special memory that we have about our loved one? Let our loved one know that we will miss him or her, but we will carry on with his or her blessings. I shared my mother’s eulogy with her. She wasn’t able to speak, but she smiled broadly and squeezed my hand.
• Help our loved ones to prepare a legacy for others to be part of. Consider opportunities such as recording their dreams, fantasies, artwork or other visual materials that he or she would like to share with others. My mother couldn’t speak during the last few days so plan to do this throughout their illness.
• Have our loved one complete a “bucket list”. My mother wanted to go to the beach, New England, Greece, and Costa Rica.
• It is important to watch for symptoms of possible illnesses in our aging parents. Understand the basic needs of care giving are to supply assistance in the following areas: personal hygiene and caring for herself or himself, dressing and undressing, eating by oneself, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, being ambulatory. If our parent has trouble when he or she is behind the wheel of a car, encourage them to stop driving.
• Begin hiring a caregiver if our loved one is experiencing two of the above problems. Begin with a few hours a day, a few days a week. Increase after our parent loses another basic need. I made my part-time care giver a supervisor for the live-in caregivers. As we know, our loved one’s problem will escalate after the dementia increases.
• Invite all those family members and friends to visit. This provides the person with listening, talking, and emotional support. It gives us a uniquely intimate relationship the more we visit. I was honored to have known my mother. Two and a half years prior, I may not have said that.
• After reading the stages and symptoms of Dementia, we must decide on the best care for our loved one.
• Understand the basic needs of care giving are to supply assistance in the following areas: personal hygiene, dressing and undressing, eating, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, being ambulatory. If our parent has trouble when he or she is behind the wheel of a car, encourage them to stop driving.
We love our family. We don’t want them to suffer needlessly. The quality of life diminishes in the years prior to death. Our job is to make their lives as peaceful and meaningful as possible. Our loved one may live at home, in an assisted living facility, or a skilled nursing facility, love them as much as you can. I believe that my mother is at peace and having a great time in a better place. Here’s to you mom!!
The past couple of years have been complicated My retirement from my life as a middle school teacher and labor leader for a large public school system did not teach me how to provide care for my mother. My arduous two and a half year roller coaster ride with my mother ended on August 23, 2010. Dorothy’s life ended peacefully when she was ninety-two years old.
I wrote this article to help prepare for the care of our parents so we can get off the roller coaster and survive. It will provide us with no regrets, only happiness for the loss of the pain our parents experience. As you know, people are living longer and unfortunately, the aging process can be difficult. Let us make their transition into elder hood a pleasant experience. Here are some facts to help assist all of us and our families. As we age, we will potentially develop common conditions which include dementia, depression, hypertension, osteoporosis, cancer, and heart disease. Since dementia is the number one condition that we are subject to acquire in one form or another, I wanted to explain the signs and stages of this disease so we can better prepare for the care of our loved ones.
As an example, I became aware of my mother’s dementia when she was eighty-four years old. It progressed slowly until the final two years of her life. I consider us lucky because Dorothy’s Vascular Dementia was discovered late in her existence. In addition, she didn’t develop Alzheimer’s until a few months prior to her death.
To aide in our knowledge of dementia, the stages and signs are as follows. The time periods are approximate, depending on the person. I have also listed possible treatment and therapies:
The stages of dementia are as follows: MILD DEMENTIA (2-4 years) produces the difficulty to perform normally familiar tasks, memory loss that affects job skills, problems with speaking or writing coherently, disorientation of time and place, inappropriate judgment, decreased abstract thinking, misplacing things and or replacing them in unusual places, rapid mood swings, severe personality changes, loss of ingenuity, sleeping longer than usual, loss of interest in normally fun activities. The symptoms of senility (dementia) are as follows: stooped posture, wrinkled skin, decreased muscle intensity, changes in the lens and strength of the eye, fragility of bone and rigidity of the joints, hardening of the arteries, and childish behavior. In reference to my mother, she suffered from all of the above, but this mild dementia did not affect her ability to live on her own and she functioned well with mild dementia for six years. I finally convinced my mother to hire Susan, a part-time caregiver, when my mother was eighty-eight years old. Susan was employed a few days a week for a few hours a day. I wanted companionship and assistance for my mother.
During MODERATE DEMENTIA (2-10 years), my mother actually experienced decision making abilities. Dorothy knew our names, but disorientation in time and place became more obvious. Amazingly, she required no assistance with bathroom needs, eating or balance. She did need assistance in choosing the proper clothing to wear. She had prepared to go to her ninetieth birthday party in a black slip until my childhood best friend and I stopped her. That indicated to us that there was an escalating problem with her dementia. Since my mother’s diagnosis of vascular dementia, there were many mini-strokes. My caregiver became quite adept at noticing them and then calming Dorothy down after these episodes. An MRI is essential to measure the brain wave activity which allows us to understand the occurrence of TIA’s (Transient Ischemic Attacks which are stroke-like symptoms that last for 1-2 hours).
After five months at home with our part-time caregiver, she begged to go to an assisted living facility. There was an opening at the assisted living facility she desired so we moved in. An assisted living facility prepares all the meals which are eaten in a communal setting. Additional services can be purchased such as a caregiver bathing our loved ones, escorting him or her to meals, and administering medication. Each service is an additional fee. If there is a fall, the resident pushes a panic button. Dorothy had a fabulous time until she fell. She was at this facility for four months. My mother didn’t have the ability to know how or when to push the button due to her dementia. A neighbor had walked by and chose to push Dorothy’s panic button. Dorothy had a very minor fall and she was taken to the hospital.
After my mother returned to the assisted living facility a few days later, SEVERE DEMENTIA (1-3 years plus) had set in. She stayed one month longer at the facility, then I brought her home for seven months and hired round the clock care because of her inability to perform activities of daily living (personal hygiene and caring for herself or himself, dressing and undressing, eating by herself, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, being ambulatory). She even began forget my husband’s name from time to time. She was largely unaware of recent events as her knowledge of time and place became sketchy. She became incontinent which was the worst problem. She also exhibited delusional behavior. She hit the full-time caregiver over the head because she insisted that she tried to kill her. She exhibited tremendous anxiety, agitation. Eventually, we placed her in a nursing facility where she eventually lived four months.
VERY SEVERE DEMENTIA exhibits that all verbal abilities are lost, urinary problems, incontinence, and assistance with bathroom needs, eating, and psychomotor skills. My mother had no abilities remaining. She stopped eating a few days before she died. She prepared to die after total inactivity. She developed severe dementia a couple of weeks before her death followed by very severe dementia. Dorothy passed away at the nursing facility.
Unfortunately, there is not a way to prevent the onset of dementia, but staying active in a variety of activities could help keep memory loss at bay. Playing a musical instrument, knitting, reading or playing board games help. My mother knitted and played a musical instrument. I write articles, study a foreign language, walk, dance, read, and live on two continents, to name a few. We can practice by switching the use of our hands for all of our activities for a few days. It is a great test of our cognition. Eat a balanced healthy diet. Sage oil and vitamin E might also be helpful. It is possible to treat memory loss with medications, but there are side effects. There is a hope that stem cell research offers assistance plus new drugs and new therapies.
Did you know the following? There are an estimated twenty-four million people living with some form of dementia. Without major medical intervention, this number could increase to as many as eighty-four million people who have age-related memory loss by the year 2040. Currently, there are more than five million Americans who suffer from Alzheimer’s, and it is the seventh leading cause of death in the U.S. About 13% of Americans over the age of sixty-five have Alzheimer’s and fifty percent of those over the age eighty-five will develop this or another dementia. Alzheimer’s is considered to be an inherited disease, but genetic research is still being done in order to know the specific cause for dementia in addition to the inherited component. Fun statistics!! As I mentioned, my mother developed mild Dementia at eighty-four. In addition, she developed Alzheimer’s at ninety-two. It lasted only a few months until Dorothy’s death.
We either have an elderly parent, friend, or are experiencing symptoms ourselves. It has taken me almost a year to address this article due to my grief, but knowledge is power.
I will address how to prepare quality care, estate planning and preparing for the death of a loved one in a trilogy. The first of the trilogy is regarding preparing quality care for a loved one. Hopefully these bullets will help us prepare for the care of our loved ones.
• Get an assessment from your loved one’s family doctor. Make sure that all detailed history is listed. Have the doctor do a mental status exam in order to check following instructions, memory, recall etc. Also, get a hard copy of the medical file. It will be helpful for the doctor to make his assessments and referrals.
• Don’t blame. Try to understand. We have the knowledge.
• Keep a journal. Self-expression will allow us to express our emotions in a safe and thoughtful manner. We will be given the opportunity to reflect upon the meaning and the significance of events in our life as they apply to our inner self. How about writing about a special memory that we have about our loved one? Let our loved one know that we will miss him or her, but we will carry on with his or her blessings. I shared my mother’s eulogy with her. She wasn’t able to speak, but she smiled broadly and squeezed my hand.
• Help our loved ones to prepare a legacy for others to be part of. Consider opportunities such as recording their dreams, fantasies, artwork or other visual materials that he or she would like to share with others. My mother couldn’t speak during the last few days so plan to do this throughout their illness.
• Have our loved one complete a “bucket list”. My mother wanted to go to the beach, New England, Greece, and Costa Rica.
• It is important to watch for symptoms of possible illnesses in our aging parents. Understand the basic needs of care giving are to supply assistance in the following areas: personal hygiene and caring for herself or himself, dressing and undressing, eating by oneself, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, being ambulatory. If our parent has trouble when he or she is behind the wheel of a car, encourage them to stop driving.
• Begin hiring a caregiver if our loved one is experiencing two of the above problems. Begin with a few hours a day, a few days a week. Increase after our parent loses another basic need. I made my part-time care giver a supervisor for the live-in caregivers. As we know, our loved one’s problem will escalate after the dementia increases.
• Invite all those family members and friends to visit. This provides the person with listening, talking, and emotional support. It gives us a uniquely intimate relationship the more we visit. I was honored to have known my mother. Two and a half years prior, I may not have said that.
• After reading the stages and symptoms of Dementia, we must decide on the best care for our loved one.
• Understand the basic needs of care giving are to supply assistance in the following areas: personal hygiene, dressing and undressing, eating, getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, being ambulatory. If our parent has trouble when he or she is behind the wheel of a car, encourage them to stop driving.
We love our family. We don’t want them to suffer needlessly. The quality of life diminishes in the years prior to death. Our job is to make their lives as peaceful and meaningful as possible. Our loved one may live at home, in an assisted living facility, or a skilled nursing facility, love them as much as you can. I believe that my mother is at peace and having a great time in a better place. Here’s to you mom!!
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